In the last post on this blog, we discussed how to choose a good wife in Islam. Today's post shall be a little step further into the Family life in Islam. Masha Allah, today's post shall be on laying a Rock Solid foundation for family life.
Building a strong and harmonious family is a cherished aspiration in Islam. The family unit, as per Islamic teachings, is the cornerstone of society, and its stability and righteousness contribute to the overall welfare of the Muslim community. We will delve into the guidance provided by the Quran and the Sunnah (traditions and teachings of the Prophet Muhammad, peace be upon him) to discover how to establish a solid foundation for a family in Islam. This topic, for very insightful tips and analysis, shall be broken down into the Following points:
Seeking Knowledge:
The Quran emphasizes the significance of knowledge in several verses, one of which is found in Surah Al-Mujadila (58:11): "Allah will exalt those who believe among you, and those who have been granted knowledge, in high degrees." Seeking knowledge about Islamic principles, family ethics, and marital responsibilities is the first step in establishing a strong family foundation. Acquiring this knowledge empowers individuals to fulfill their roles in accordance with Islamic teachings.
Every aspect of our life has been discussed and guidance has been granted to all practicing Muslims in the Quran and the Sunnah of the Prophet. As it is aptly put in one of the many traditions of the Prophet, be one of the following three - A scholar, a Learner or the One that ask questions. What this simply means is that there's absolutely no excuse for Ignorance in Islam. Hence, it is important that those that are aspiring to become a husband or wife in a few years from now to start seeking knowledge on the Best way to go about it. We have reliable scholars who are expert in the field don't be lazy, seek them out and be in the know on how it is properly done!
If you are in need of some sort of advise as regards to picking a spouse or getting any aspect of the marital life right, feel free to get in touch. For a token, I'll be of service!
Choosing a Righteous Spouse:
While it is true that no one has the slightest idea of what the future holds for us, it is also true that we are given the Opportunity to influence how well or badly we shall fair in the future. A family that would be built on the tenets of Islam must be well planned out right from the selection of a wife/wives that one intend to build the family with.
The Prophet Muhammad (peace be upon him) stressed the importance of selecting a spouse who possesses piety and good character. In a Hadith recorded in Sahih al-Bukhari and Sahih Muslim, he said, "A woman may be married for four things: her wealth, her family status, her beauty, and her religion. Choose the one who is religious; may your hands be rubbed with dust." The emphasis here is on religious commitment, as it forms the bedrock of a harmonious family life. The Message is very simple - value the Religious commitments and good character over every other thing while choosing a wife.
The Reason why we have so many broken homes today and ill-mannered children is the fact that the Parents - both or one of them (especially the mother) is not well grounded in Islamic Knowledge and belief system. Like they say, you can't give what you don't have. It would be ridiculous to expect a party going woman to raise an upright child. What is expected of such a wayward woman is a child that loves partying and merry making! Seek your spouse from among the devoted Muslim sisters. Make your choice from among them, then, do your due diligence to confirm and affirm what you saw from afar! Ensure that you are on the same page with your chosen fiance because compatibility is KEY to building a virtuous family!
Establishing Communication and Understanding:
The Quran encourages believers to engage in dialogue and resolve conflicts amicably. Surah Al-Hujurat (49:11) advises, "O you who have believed, let not a people ridicule [another] people; perhaps they may be better than them." Effective communication, characterized by empathy, patience, and respect, is vital within a family. The Prophet Muhammad (peace be upon him) was known for his kindness and patience with his family members, setting a shining example for all Muslims.
When everyone in the family knows and understands fully, his/her role as a member of the family, there shall be very little or no friction at all in the wheel of the Family. The Family shall progress with great strides and become the Envy of the society in general. This only happens when the rules are clear and no one is flaunting them because, everybody knows the dire consequences of flaunting the rules. When everyone knows that there shall be no bias or bending of the rules in anyway to favour some at the expense of others, everyone shall cooperate and do as expected. This is the Power of effective communication and understanding in a family. It all begins with the Man picking on a good wife and basing the tenets of the family on the Shari'ah (the Quran and the Sunnah).
Practicing Mutual Respect and Kindness:
The Quran emphasizes the importance of mutual respect and kindness between spouses. In Surah Ar-Rum (30:21), it is stated, "And among His signs is this, that He created for you mates from among yourselves, that you may dwell in tranquility with them, and He has put love and mercy between your (hearts): verily in that are Signs for those who reflect." The foundation of any strong family is built on love, compassion, and the recognition of each other's rights and duties. The Prophet also implied in another Hadith that we should do to others as we want others to do to us! He said that you are NOT a believer until you want for others what you want for yourself!
While it is important to uphold law and order, it is also important to apply these rules with a very sense of kindness and respect for others. Take for instance, the case of stealing. When a thief is caught, his hand is supposed to be amputated. However, before you amputate his hand, it is required to investigate the reason behind the act of theft. and also the value of what was stolen. If the thief stole food and it was discovered that he has no means of livelihood plus the fact that what he has stolen was food or any other valuable whose market value is not that heavy...not more than what would be used to buy food, he might be pardoned and on top of that, he might be recommended for employment!
The above scenario teaches us that the laws in Islam are not made to punish offenders but to discourage them from breaking them. The Only person that would be punished in the end are offenders who committed the offense DELIBERATELY and damning the consequences of their action. This sense of love and compassion must be applied while dealing with the Family.
Establishing Daily Rituals:
Daily rituals rooted in Islamic practices strengthen the family's connection with Allah and with each other. Performing daily prayers together, reciting Quranic verses, and engaging in dhikr (remembrance of Allah) are acts that not only nurture spirituality but also create a sense of unity within the family. The Prophet Muhammad (peace be upon him) encouraged his family members to engage in these acts of worship together.
In addition to the Above, every child should have daily chores assigned to him/her. A high sense of responsibility must be imbued in the Children. Societal norms and values that are not in contradiction to the Islamic tenets must be taught to the Child not only by the Parents of the Child but also members of the extended family and elders in the immediate neighborhood. If the Parents does a great job in moulding and shaping the character of the Child in line with the Quran and Sunnah, the Child would grow up to be a very good ambassador of the Family where ever he/she goes and as such bring honour and glory to the Family's name.
Teaching Islamic Values to Children:
Parents are entrusted with the task of raising children in accordance with Islamic values. Surah Al-Tahrim (66:6) reminds parents of their responsibility by saying, "O you who have believed, protect yourselves and your families from a Fire whose fuel is people and stones." How do we do this? It's simple!
Parents must instill in their children a love for Islam and its teachings, guiding them towards righteous conduct. This is where Islamic schools (Mogaranta) come in. In this JET age we find ourselves, time has become a very expensive essential commodity yet, we are saddled with the responsibility of raising virtuous children. If we must succeed at this, we must take our time to find and research thoroughly a good Islamiyyah school for our kids. We must also know for a fact that they are not a replacement for us in the lives of our kids, but, rather, a helping hand. In other words, despite the enrollment of our children in a standard Mogaranta, we still need to find time to interact with the Children to see how they are faring both in School and their Mogaranta. We must also be ready to show a good example to our kids by practicing what we preach!
When a child is taught in Mogaranta that lying is an abomination that all Muslims must avoid and you are in the Habit of lying to them, which one do you think would stick the more with them??? Your lying habit, of course! The Prophet (peace be upon him) emphasized the importance of teaching children by example, stating, "The best of you are those who are best to their families, and I am the best of you to my family" (Tirmidhi).
Supporting and Patience:
Every family encounters trials and challenges. Patience during these times is a virtue highly regarded in Islam. Surah Al-Baqarah (2:155) states, "And We will surely test you with something of fear and hunger and a loss of wealth and lives and fruits, but give good tidings to the patient." Seek support from one another, pray for guidance, and remember that Allah is the best of planners. Supporting each other during difficult times strengthens the family's bonds. If we support one another as we should, if we help others just the Way and manner we wished to be helped when we get in trouble, the World would have a much better place to be today!
When a member of the Family is tried by Allah, if the Family stands in full support and helps, the trial might not be that felt by the tried, hence, his sanity and Iman is strengthened instead of suffering huge damages. But, if a man is tried and he has to face the trial all by himself, he might be overwhelmed and some rare unfortunate cases loose faith and become a Kaafir fal ya'oodhu billah!
As it stands today, the Whole country is going through a serious economic trials, the majority are affected simply because, the family is not there to help out. The Very few families that have always kept a healthy family tie would be the Least affected. Instead of facing the harsh economic situation individually, they pool resources together and buy their provisions as a single GIGANTIC unit to buy in bulk and everyone enjoys the benefit of buying in bulk! Such families protect the Vulnerable among them so much so that you can't really tell who is poor or rich among the members of the Family because all of them seem to be financially stable!
These values of togetherness, cooperation, team work and the Idea 'all for one, one for all' should be promoted as part of the CORE values of the Family. It all begins with the performance the rituals that are mentioned above. During such religious rituals, special prayers might be offered for God's Divine bond among the Family members.
Seeking Knowledge of Islamic Parenting:
Raising children in Islam requires specific knowledge of Islamic parenting principles. Seek guidance from Islamic scholars and experienced parents who can offer insights into nurturing children according to Islamic values. The Quran provides guidance on upbringing in Surah Al-Isra (17:23): "And your Lord has decreed that you not worship except Him, and to parents, good treatment. Whether one or both of them reach old age [while] with you, say not to them [so much as], 'uff,' and do not repel them but speak to them a noble word."
Another cool tip here's the Need to separate the Boys from the Girls as they attain the Puberty stage. This all important aspect of raising kids is commonly overlooked in this part of the World and the Consequences of ignoring such is telling on the current crop of youths. May the Almighty save us from any further decadence. Aameen.
Most parents, these days, lack the Knowledge of raising a child as dictated by the Quran and the Sunnah. It must be taken seriously and if you are in need of such help, please, consult with local scholars in your community, attend seminars on the topic, google out learning materials on the Subject matters and when you are opportune to be with a scholar that is well grounded in the Subject matter please, consult far and wide enough so that you may not fail as a parent. Some parents shall be denied access to Al Jannah by their wayward children on the Last Day. May Allah save us from such difficult and unpleasant situation. Aameen.
Community Involvement:
Engaging with the broader Muslim community can provide valuable support and guidance. Participating in community events, seeking advice from knowledgeable individuals, and fostering relationships with other Muslim families can enhance your understanding of Islamic principles and provide a support network when needed. This is why I STRONGLY recommend that you join an Islamic Community ASAP! If not for your own sake, please, do it for the Sake of your kids. Save the Children from peer pressure in school. Balance the Peer pressure from school with the Positive and great peer pressure from Islamic communities such as Assalatu Groups, MSS and even Mogaranta.
But Remember that you need to research THOROUGHLY the Islamic community you wish to join. make sure that they operate based on the Quran Wa Sunnah! Do not join because of the Economic and Societal high status. Rather, join them based on their practice of the Shari'ah.
Building a solid foundation for a family in Islam is a lifelong journey that requires dedication, knowledge, and unwavering faith. By seeking knowledge, choosing righteous spouses, nurturing open communication, practicing mutual respect and kindness, establishing daily rituals, teaching Islamic values to children, offering support and patience, seeking knowledge of Islamic parenting, and engaging with the community, you can build a family that is firmly rooted in Islamic principles. Remember that your efforts in building a strong Islamic family will not only benefit your immediate loved ones but also contribute to the well-being and unity of the entire Muslim Ummah. May Allah bless your family with love, peace, and righteousness.
Aameen.
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